Talking about sensitive subjects is tricky and I honestly have gotten good at hiding stuff and I’d rather not talk about it but writing seems to be easier and like I mentioned in the description of this blog, I write to heal and if this will help one person see that as much as it feels like we are alone in our silently on going battles, we are not.
This took about a week to complete because I kept getting emotional during writing and could not continue because, I have to beg myself to get up but I’m determined to.
I’m doing this one though, if not for me then for you; something truthful and real, pretty much a one go thing based on my current mood and head space.
No need for a compilation and list of characters. This story is about me, and (Spoiler alert) I die in it.
I’ll be honest; I am a sad, pretty morbid writer. It gets too much at times I know, but this is where my head is right now and in my head it’s not so bad
Here take a look;
I have been praying for love, trying to cast the shadows away.
Most days I am just a girl crumbling to her knees with a bruised heart, broken ribs shaken from the muffled screams ,scarred from the dried tears, wasted blood. Tainted by the world. I’m the pill popping girl no one seems to notice I’m the wrist cutting and dark poem writing girl who relates only to the made up stories of the dark those told to keep kids out of trouble.
Some days I dream of calm nights, and I don’t think I am strong enough to keep my head held high enough to find the peace in the sky and fall inlove with the beauty of the moon.
I wish I could stand in the shadow and not feel it’s shadows.
Been praying for love, wondering if I’ll know when it’s time to be strong and love me, maybe it won’t hurt.
I saw myself in those very shadows, cold and shuttered. Didn’t know it showed until I tried to let go and go.
What kind of love am I praying and waiting for?
The kind that will shine through the shadows and the kind that only comes from within.
See I am praying for inner peace, The type of love that will let me grow make it easier for me to thank you for showering me with your love.
But now, I keep asking myself why does my love keep hurting me only in the mornings? And I did the one loving thing, in my head I, held myself tight, loved myself right. Freed myself from the shame and doubt, was taking so long to get there. I have been praying for love, wondering if I knew how to do it right and in my head I finally figured it out.
I finally got it right, in my head I loved myself right. It took a few cuts and a bottle of wine and a few pills and I can’t thank you enough for setting me free, my love won’t end it. Never thought that in my head I’d get it right.